Reality stinks

Good morning everyone!  Monday Kerry and I took Mom to her Oncologist for the results of her MRI and the good news is that she does not have any new brain tumors.  The doctor attributes her memory problems and confusion to the amount of pain medication she is taking.   Mom's transition into life at Kerry's has been very difficult.  Mom seems to be more tired and in more pain than I saw her in during the whole time we were in Florida.  I'd like to preface the rest of this Blog by letting everyone know that I read all of your comments to Mom and pass along notes. However, she will not be seeing this new post.  

Hope is a very delicate matter.  Mom has lots of hope, lots of fight, and tenaciously declares that she does not want to pass away.  While she has a hope for her future and knows that ultimately her soul is in God's hands, she wants her body to heal, not roll out a red carpet for cancer. I've grown to admire the fight Mom has in her, and I've seen her go through so much already in these last 4 months since the cancer returned.  When we went to the new Oncologist in March and he sent us for radiation he stated that the typical amount of time a person in Mom's condition lasts is 6-8 months.  Mom told him "I don't really like your shelf life" and chose alternative treatment. 

The time in Florida was the right thing to do.  We all agree that Mom would have passed away by now without going and the physical, emotional, and spiritual lessons she learned while there made the trip well worth while. While I admit that only God knows how much time each of us has on earth, and he's the guy in charge of the miracle department, God also gave us common sense and the signs are not pointing toward healing. 

A very kind hospice nurse has been out to the house to evaluate Mom and she tells us that Mom has no breath sounds in her left lung at all.  She also tells us that she has been working for hospice since 1995 and that in her opinion Mom currently as healthy and lucid as she is because she is young and has a strong heart.  If not for her heart, she would be gone already and although it is hard to judge, the nurse would say that Mom has about 30-60 days.  This would put her at the 6-8 month mark that her oncologist originally suggested. Based on what I have seen since our return from Florida, I agree. 

Like I said before, hope is a very delicate thing.  Mom has not accepted her 30-60 day sentence and refuses hospice care at this time.  As a family we decided long ago that we are all on "Team Nancy".  This means supporting and getting on which ever bus mom is on mentally.  Having said that, please remember us in your prayers time during this very difficult and surreal time as we grudgingly learn to say a peaceful good bye to our Mother, Wife, Sister, Aunt, Grandmother and friend.  If any of you want or need to come to town anytime soon, I would suggest doing it sooner rather than later.  We can certainly find a place locally to put you up.  The morbidity of talking about this strikes me as being wrong, but ultimately I think I would be remiss to paint an untrue picture.  Mom has expressed in the past, and her family agrees, that when Mom does pass, whether in 1 month or 20 years, that she wants her final resting place to be near our home, in NY. I mention this as it should help some of you from a planning aspect.

Mom cannot check her emails any longer.  If you would like to call or send a note please use Kerry's contact information:

Mom currently has round the clock care.  I'm taking Wednesday, Todd is taking Thursday's, Mike takes Friday and Saturday and Kerry and I will split up the remainder of the week.  Please keep us all in your prayers as we are tired, overwhelmed and all very emotional.... not a healthy mix on a good day, but we are attempting to make it through.  If you need to call me about anything please contact me at   

Much love,

Michelle