Final Words for Mom- my words at her funeral

"Here I go - over the waterfall and down the slippery slope".  These were my Mother's words to her sister Sue in March when she discovered her cancer had returned.  I never would have imagined that 90 days later we would all be sitting here, remembering her and speaking of her in the past tense.

What do you say at a time like this?  I want to say everything.  I want the perfect words for my Mom, thinking that if I can pick just the right words that somehow you will know and understand my mother as I do.

To know my mother is to know that she loved birds.  I don't know how she developed this hobby, but I do remember Mom dragging Kerry, Todd and I around the fields, hills and swamps of Central New York, attempting to spot a certain species of bird that she had heard would be migrating that week.  Mom's announcement that we would be going "birding" was always greeted by our collective moans and groans, as we knew we'd be forgoing play time to be in the woods with a bunch of bugs and snakes while Mom would be turning around every two minutes or less giving us "The look", you know, the one that said.  "You had better be quiet before I drop kick you to North Syracuse!"  As it turns out, Mom was a lot like the birds she loved to watch:

My Mom was a roadrunner- I cannot recall how many stories I've heard about Mom being "so much fun to be around."  When many of the Conroy's tell me about first meeting my mother they tell me she pulled up with my father on the back of his motorcycle.

My Mom loved to dance.  As a little girl she twirled around the kitchen with Aunt Sue and while we were in Florida during the last month of her life mom said, "Chelle, I want to see you dance."  I really didn't want to, but after some very persistent cajoling I agreed.  After the song was over I looked at Mom to see what she thought of my rump shaking?  She looked really disappointed and resolutely declared "I failed, you dance like a white girl!".

Mom was a hippie- I bet some of you didn't know that.  Mom travelled across the United States.  On her way to California and made it as far as Iowa City where she lived in a house with a raccoon named Christopher Dill.  When she tired of her adventure, Grandma and Grandpa Austin mailed her money for a Greyhound bus back to New York.

My Mom was like a barn swallow.  Many of you are familiar with the barn on Jackson St. and the birds that would dive bomb you as you entered the front door.  Mom was like this with the people she cared about.  She sat perched in her nest up above, but if you got close to her chicks- watch out, you were in trouble. Mom was not one to cause trouble, but she never stood by and let anything happen to a loved one, if she could help it.

Mom was like a Canadian goose.  Only a child of rural New York could learn to mark the changing of the seasons by the honk, honk of a goose.  As a child, I distinctly remember breaking out in a smile when I could hear the first honk of the geese as they migrated after a long winter back to their homes in Canada.  It doesn't matter what the groundhog or Al Roker say- There is no better indication of the end of a long winter than a goose!

We all knew my mother in different ways.  Many of you have known my mother in the past 22 years as Mike Baran's wife.  For the 38 years prior to that many of you knew my Mom very differently.  Many of you have expressed to me over the past years and months that when my mother's new life began you lost the "old Nancy" and I'm sure that is true, to varying degrees.  However, did you hear that "honk, honk, honk?"  It's the sound of Mom letting you know she is returning after a long winter away.  My Mom may not have accepted that she was nearing death, but on some level her mind knew.  While we were in Florida, Mom and I did not often get more than 3 hours sleep at a time.  Mom kept saying to me "Chelle, we're like two girls at camp, we're supposed to stay up all night and talk!"  So, talk we did, or rather, Mom talked while I rubbed her ribs and listened.  Mom gave me a detailed auto biography with no detail spared.  This is neither the time nor the place to share all of those memories, but please know that she mentioned and thought of many of you.  My mother spent much time talking about her sister and brothers.  The resounding theme always being that she knew you would always be in her corner and that she loved you more than she had an opportunity to express.  Mom also spoke often and kindly of her Conroy out laws-- I mean in-law.  I don't think I can recall one thing Mom has ever said about a family member that was truly unkind.  If something came up about a mistake made or opportunity missed, she usually said something like "well, some things just happen and they'll get it right the next time."  My mom always did believe in second chances.

Kerry- Mom knew you the one person in the world that can go into politics and not worry about skeletons in your closet.  We talked a lot about Charlottesville and you attending the University of Virginia to get your law degree.  This is something Mom brought up and wanted very much to talk to you about before she passed.

Todd- Mom bragged on you to everyone we talked to in Florida.  She was so excited about baby Mackenzie and how happy you are to be married to Danai.  Mom talked over and over again about how she and I would concoct a plan to make you realize you needed to get out of Norfolk Public Schools and into a program that challenges your MIND instead of your vocal cords.  She kept saying over and over again how she hoped you would learn that happiness is found in simple things like family and friends.  Ultimately, Mom knew you were on the cusp of great things.  She never doubted that you have the ability to be the man you want to be and she loved you very much.

Mom was like an Owl- I was over at Mom's house a few months a go when her social security statement came in the mail and she wanted me to look at it.  Did you know that the most money Mom ever made in a year was under $17,000?  I would be truly flabbergasted if I ever meet anyone as brilliant as my mother during my lifetime.  She could converse knowledgably to anyone about anything.  She was smarter than Kerry, Todd and I put together and if she had received a paycheck for the wisdom she has passed on to us, she would have easily made six figures a year. 

Mom was like a Pileated Woodpecker-  Mom worried sometimes about being too pessimistic.  Mom had her ups and downs like any person does, bit I can tell you unequivocally that she was the best kind of optimist.  I wish every single one of you could have been there with Mom and I in Florida to see her beating cancer back into the hellish shadows it came from, with celery sticks and asparagus spears.  Mom just kept plugging away at her cancer just like a woodpecker- attacking it again and again in her attempts to heal.

Did you know that a Pileated woodpeckers pair stays together on its territory all year round?  This would be Mom and Mike puttering around together.  Going for breakfast and then hitting up every thrift store they found along the way-all day long, all year long.

My mother has an unfulfilled, life long dream of seeing a Pileated woodpecker.  The plot we chose to bury her at is right in front of a half-dead tree that I'm sure will have a Pileated woodpecker living in it in no time.

This past Christmas my Uncle Dan told me I reminded him of my mother.  At the time I wondered about that as its not something I often hear.  Today, I tell you that it's the best compliment I've ever received in my life.

"I love you Mom, goodnight."

Arrangements: Nancy L Baran

Mom's service will be at Second Baptist Church 1 Herman Ave Auburn NY, 13021. Saturday 6/28/08 at 11:00 AM.  There will be brief calling hour starting at 10AM Saturday. After the service there will be a catered luncheon at the fellowship hall on the church premises.  After the luncheon we will proceed to Weedsport Rural Cemetery for the burial. 

Many of you have expressed that you would like to send flowers.  If you would like to send flowers (they will not be accepted by the church) they are being accepted by Robert Gray Funeral home 49 Jordan Rd. Skaneateles, NY 13152.  In lieu of flowers you may make a donation to the Nancy L Baran memorial fund c/o Second Baptist Church Auburn NY 13021. We will decide later what to do with those monies, but I'm thinking a contribution to the  in my mother's name to the Audubon society since she loved birds.  Some of you have expressed wanting to travel to the services.  The closest airport is Syracuse, NY.  If you are looking for a local place to stay I suggest the Armory square section of Syracuse or the Sherwood Inn in Skaneateles is really lovely. 

Thank you all. 

Love,

Michelle 

Her name was Nancy

Her  name was Nancy.  She loved Shrimp and sardines.  She bird watched for fun.  She pulled trash off of the curb, cleaned it up and sold it for good money.  She pinched me in the behind when we cooked together just to be a twerp.  She loved her Husband, children, grandchildren and family.  She was my Mom and she peacefully went to heaven this morning at 7:00am.  

Adages

We probably hear adages every day and even use them in our own conversation without realizing we are using them.  My Mom is a great one for using adages to which my response has always been a swift rolling of my eyes, but here's a few for you that have come to mind in the past several days.  

-Two heads are better than one - At this point taking care of Mom is a group effort.  I may think doing something one way is the best way and Kerry, Todd, Mike or the hospice nurse will jump in and do something that I would never think of that works.  Picture me wiping my brow in relief as its all about keeping Mom as comfortable and pain free as possible.

-Charity begins at home- Kerry and Adam have turned their house into a hospital and hotel.  Today is their 11th wedding anniversary and I think they forgot.  They are so busy making sure that Mom has what she needs and making sure all of us are fed and comfortable too, while still taking care of Luke and Hannah.  Kerry & Adam are certainly doing what is right and will be rewarded for it in the future in some way, I'm sure.

-You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink-  The difference between Mom's health last Saturday and this is a 180 degree switch.  Mom sleeps most of the time and we really have to annoy her to get her to open her eyes.  We try to give her water and ice chips, but she resists or is unable. 

-It's always darkest before dawn-  See Mom like this is numbing.  I find myself looking at Mom, catching a family member's eye and together we can do nothing but shake our heads.  Seeing a person you love in this state never truly makes sense.  I don't think its suppose to.

-Laughter is the best medicine-  Mom is currently not lucid, but a few days ago she was sitting in a wheelchair and I had warmed up some home made chicken noodle soup for her.  She had it sitting on the tray in front of her, but seemingly not interested in eating when she started struggling to take off the oxygen from around her nose.  I tried to put it back on her nose and she shooed my hands away and all she said was "hot".  It dawned on me as she turned the oxygen toward the soup that she was using the oxygen to cool off the soup.  Kerry and I had a good laugh over that one!  Mom has always been ingenious with that sort of thing.  

-Here today gone tomorrow-  Why do you think an adage is an adage?  Well it's something that many people have found to be true.  I think we'd all live more fulfilled lives by remembering yet another adage like "Live like every day is your last".   As far as Mom is concerned, it is my prayer that she passes from this life quickly.  For those of you that are praying, it's time to switch gears. Please pray that Mom can have some moments of clarity and lucidity over the next few days.  Mom has not had a chance to accept her passing, which I think would be best for her to do. My family here in VA has not had the 3 weeks that I had in Florida to make peace with Mom and Mom  had expressed to me some things that would be nice if she could express to individuals in her own words.

-Every cloud has a silver lining-  I believe this.  I think our whole family does and we're waiting for it. I'll keep you posted. 

~Michelle     

Reality stinks

Good morning everyone!  Monday Kerry and I took Mom to her Oncologist for the results of her MRI and the good news is that she does not have any new brain tumors.  The doctor attributes her memory problems and confusion to the amount of pain medication she is taking.   Mom's transition into life at Kerry's has been very difficult.  Mom seems to be more tired and in more pain than I saw her in during the whole time we were in Florida.  I'd like to preface the rest of this Blog by letting everyone know that I read all of your comments to Mom and pass along notes. However, she will not be seeing this new post.  

Hope is a very delicate matter.  Mom has lots of hope, lots of fight, and tenaciously declares that she does not want to pass away.  While she has a hope for her future and knows that ultimately her soul is in God's hands, she wants her body to heal, not roll out a red carpet for cancer. I've grown to admire the fight Mom has in her, and I've seen her go through so much already in these last 4 months since the cancer returned.  When we went to the new Oncologist in March and he sent us for radiation he stated that the typical amount of time a person in Mom's condition lasts is 6-8 months.  Mom told him "I don't really like your shelf life" and chose alternative treatment. 

The time in Florida was the right thing to do.  We all agree that Mom would have passed away by now without going and the physical, emotional, and spiritual lessons she learned while there made the trip well worth while. While I admit that only God knows how much time each of us has on earth, and he's the guy in charge of the miracle department, God also gave us common sense and the signs are not pointing toward healing. 

A very kind hospice nurse has been out to the house to evaluate Mom and she tells us that Mom has no breath sounds in her left lung at all.  She also tells us that she has been working for hospice since 1995 and that in her opinion Mom currently as healthy and lucid as she is because she is young and has a strong heart.  If not for her heart, she would be gone already and although it is hard to judge, the nurse would say that Mom has about 30-60 days.  This would put her at the 6-8 month mark that her oncologist originally suggested. Based on what I have seen since our return from Florida, I agree. 

Like I said before, hope is a very delicate thing.  Mom has not accepted her 30-60 day sentence and refuses hospice care at this time.  As a family we decided long ago that we are all on "Team Nancy".  This means supporting and getting on which ever bus mom is on mentally.  Having said that, please remember us in your prayers time during this very difficult and surreal time as we grudgingly learn to say a peaceful good bye to our Mother, Wife, Sister, Aunt, Grandmother and friend.  If any of you want or need to come to town anytime soon, I would suggest doing it sooner rather than later.  We can certainly find a place locally to put you up.  The morbidity of talking about this strikes me as being wrong, but ultimately I think I would be remiss to paint an untrue picture.  Mom has expressed in the past, and her family agrees, that when Mom does pass, whether in 1 month or 20 years, that she wants her final resting place to be near our home, in NY. I mention this as it should help some of you from a planning aspect.

Mom cannot check her emails any longer.  If you would like to call or send a note please use Kerry's contact information:

Mom currently has round the clock care.  I'm taking Wednesday, Todd is taking Thursday's, Mike takes Friday and Saturday and Kerry and I will split up the remainder of the week.  Please keep us all in your prayers as we are tired, overwhelmed and all very emotional.... not a healthy mix on a good day, but we are attempting to make it through.  If you need to call me about anything please contact me at   

Much love,

Michelle 

Home

We made it! After missing our connection in Philly, sitting on the runway for an hour and losing our luggage, we made it home. Mom did very well until the last hour when her leg pain became unbearable from sitting in one position too long.  On Sunday Mom had an MRI to her head and Kerry and I take her to her oncologist for the results at 1 today.  

Mom is settling into life at Kerry's house, but naturally Kerry and Mike are feeling a bit overwhelmed with the size of our daily tasks.  

I will post after we have the results of the MRI and a gameplan.

Much Love,

Michelle 

P.S  I got Bailey back!  She was so happy she peed on my foot.... Some greeting :>)

Homeward Bound!

Mom's first words to me today were "I feel pretty good today".  The day has finally come to leave this place and Mom and I both agree, we can't wait to get back home.  We have learned lots and Mom has come a long way, but the comforts of home and family are beckoning.  We said our final good bye's and took some pictures yesterday (I'll post them at some point) and then I spent about 5 hours packing.  Some how I managed to get everything into two suitcases and two carry ons.  The bags each weigh slightly less than two anvils so I guess we will have to pay the extra fee.  At this point... who cares! lol.  

Mom is having an MRI on her brain on Sunday afternoon.  Please be in prayer for all of us for future decisions.  Mom's doctor in VA seems to think that the old tumor or new tumor may be the culprit in Mom's recent memory loss and confusion, if this is the case then he thinks the memory loss may be reversible.  We will also be exploring options of radiation to Mom's ribs and leg.  All along Mom has been adamant about not wanting to receive further radiation and the first time around almost killed her due to the nausea.  Please commit these issues to prayer.  Once we are back in VA Mom will be living in the bottom level of Kerry's house, which will be great for Mom being able to get around.  I will be continuing to Blog as everyone seems to enjoy the ease of getting updates.  

We will be arriving in Norfolk, VA at 4:50 Pm and we are most concerned with a) getting home with no edema to Mom's legs and b) seeing my dog as soon as possible :>).

Much Love,

Michelle 

Mom needs to Eat!

Mom and I are headed back to Virginia on Saturday.  We've seen such improvement here at Hippocrates.  Mom hasn't taken any anti nausea medication in about two week, has drastically decreased her pain dosage from 3 pills every three hours to 1 or two pills every 5-7 hours, and improved her attitudes about herself, her health and her spiritual condition. Also, Mom and I have enjoyed the unexpected yet pleasant surprise of talking about and healing our own Mother/Daughter relationship.  Mom has started eating solid foods, but only in bird like portions.  When she does eat she is keeping down small amounts of veggies.  I talked to the doctor about an hour ago and he is going to review Mom's blood work again.  However,  Mom has been having some major memory, weakness and stability problems since Saturday/Sunday.  As most of you know, Mom had 10 rounds of radiation on her brain during April.  Although the doctor mentioned that Mom's short term memory may be affected, we had seen little of this until the past several days.  Mom is forgetting many basic things, which is difficult for me to grasp or understand.  At this point we (the doctor and I) are unsure if this is due to the radiation, part of her healing or advancement of the cancer.  The doctor is very concerned about the little amounts of food that Mom is ingesting and seems to thing lack of food may be the culprit in Mom's recent memory loss and general confusion.  I would have to say that I agree with the doctor.  After all, I have read several times along this journey that approximately 80% of cancer patients don't pass away from cancer but malnutrition stemming from not being able to eat and/or losing their appetite.  I'm really taking this eating thing to heart.  I had a talk with Mom this morning about needing to eat as the alternative is not what anybody wants.  She is sitting next to me right now eating some grain type cereal.  However,  she really needs to keep down the nut juice that I'm going to get her in about 1/2 hr.  Did you know that nuts are the hardest item for our bodies to digest?  Because of this nuts are juiced and then water is added so it looks and tastes sort of like a latte.  In the past few weeks Mom has tried to keep the nut juice down three times and has thrown it up three times.  Please pray about this.  Mom REALLY needs the calories.  I'm also getting Mom some Manna bread and avocado in about an hour.  It would be very nice to see a miracle occur in the Mom eating department.  Mom has lost 10 lbs so far since we have been here and is down to about 145 lbs. We need to keep her weight up, I think we all know what happens if she cannot eat and loses much more weight.  

Last night Mom decided to get out of bed to plump her own pillows while I was sleeping (totally disregarding my dictator like directions) and fell.  This is the second time that I have somehow mustered up enough strength to lift her.  She was unharmed, except for her pride which has been been severely bruised by her physical instability and extreme embarrassment at knowing she is forgetting things,  like how to tell time, what year I was born and other mundane information.

On a brighter note there was a major thunder and lightning storm for most of the afternoon and evening yesterday.  I ran to the local grocery store and rented a few movies and Mom and I holed up in our room all night having a mini slumber party.  She really enjoyed the movies and it completely distracted her from trying to remember things she was having trouble remembering. 

Once again I kindly ask for your prayers that Mom will be able to eat, eat, eat.  She needs the strength not just for day to day tasks but for the plane ride home.  If you think of it please pray for my strength to help Mom. Also, believe it or not I'm taking an online course while I'm here and have some course work due.  It's confusing how I have to post everything for my online course and the professor is very hands off so if I mess up and don't post in the right place I lose points.  Please pray that this goes smoothly for me.  It's my last college "class".  No pass= bad news for me.  

Much Love, 

Michelle 

Beach bums and Bed Slugs!

Well its official, we have wheels! I hitched a ride to the airport today and shopped around the rental car counters until I found a sweet deal on a Kia.  Ask yourself this question.  When is the last time I went a week without driving a car?  I've discovered just how much transportation molds my feelings of independence.  Several times Mom and I have been without a vehicle & completely at the mercy of others to get needed items such as medicines and medical care.  In case you're wondering, that really stinks.  So, I went straight from Enterprise rental car to Walgreen's to buy chocolate.....I mean sandals for Mom.  I did buy chocolates.. those Ferrero Roche chocolate nut balls and they were the sweetest tasting honey to my sugar-starved lips as ever a mortal has eaten! I'm justifying straying from the straight and narrow veggie lined path of Hippocrates since it was a bona fide medical emergency.... for Mom that is.  If I didn't have chocolate there may have been an unfortunate situation involving Mom's face and my pillow :>) When I got back I asked Mom if she wanted to go for a ride and to my surprise she said yes.  We drove the 10 or so miles to the ocean front and got out of the vehicle to take some pictures.  Mom had a great time looking at the ocean and there were some birds along the way that she had never seen and was quite interested in.  

God has brought so many great people our way, many of them Christians! One woman brought me some very good probiotics for Mom last night. She said that one of them was great at promoting sleep so we sprayed a few of them in her mouth just before bed. I am very happy to report that Mom slept for 7 straight hours last night, got up for about 1/2 hour and then slept for another 2 hours or so.  We were total bed slugs until about 10:30 am and it felt awesome! Keep praying that Mom gets some good sleep every night. 

Plugin' Along

Hello from Florida! Mom's sister's left Monday afternoon and Mom's husband, Mike, arrived Tuesday afternoon.  Mom was very pleased to have her hubby here and it was quite sweet to see Mike wheel Mom around to her therapies.  When I went to the oxygen room Mike was sitting in a chair next to Mom while she received her treatment.  It was a hot date in the oxygen room!  Mike let me use the rental car on Wednesday night and I drove to Lake Fort Worth to a Raw restaurant there named "Soma" where I had the spinach lasagna.  I was made of zucchini, raw marinara and the "cheese" was made of garlic, cashews, and sea salts.  Yummie!  If I could eat like that every night I think I may actually be able to stick with this after I get back.   On Thursday, Jamie visited for the day from the Orlando area.  We haven't set eyes on him for about 4 years and it was great to see him!  Jamie has been shaving his hair for years and it was funny to see Mom and Jamie with similar hairstyles.  You will all be glad to hear that Mom has some little whispy hairs starting to grow back. Maybe it's my imagination but I thought I saw one moving gently in the Florida breeze (let's keep in mind that I'm not getting much sleep so it could be my imagination).  

Mom has been feeling better and wanting to do things for herself more often (Thank You JESUS!) and she attempted to try to scoot ahead of me to the pool.  I was fighting with the wheelchair when out of the corner of my eye I see Mom begin to topple over backwards.  The rest of the story seemed to happen in slow motion.  I somehow managed to get my hands in her armpits to break her fall.  Mom and I attempted to get her up twice to no avail so we had to ask a male guest to help us.  He lifted Mom off of the ground and into the chair with very little trouble.  I admonished Mom for trying to be a bit too independent too soon and reminded her that a recovery will be even harder with a broken hip. 

Items to pray about:

1) SLEEP.  Ideally Mom would be getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  The most she has gone is about 4 hours.  The other hours she spends puttering around the room trying to "get tired".   It is my opinion that lack of sleep is holding Mom's healing process back.  

2) Cankles-  Mom has the most swollen feet I've ever seen.  We've been told this is due to her Lymph system draining.  She will be super swollen, have several therapies that seem to work and they go down and then they blimp up again.  This is not only uncomfortable but makes it very difficult for her to be as mobile as she would like

3) Guidance- Mom has a great desire to stay here in FL for several more weeks.  We are supposed to head back to VA on 6/14, but we are considering staying at a nearby extended stay hotel in order to drive to Hippocrates for therapies.  We have been trusting God for monetary provisions and we ask all of you to pray for the same.  Cancer is expensive, eat your veggies! 

Much Love,

Michelle 

Thank You!

When life slows down a bit we will try somehow try to express our appreciation to everyone that has been so encouraging.  We have seen a flood of cards, notes of encouragement, flowers from Katherine (aka Bean the girl I used to nanny...I knew I raised her right :>) ) and financial support from friends at Mike's work and our family.  We knew when we left the path of typical Western medicine that we would be relying on God to provide financially and little by little he is.  Thank you all.  Mom is looking and feeling better every day.  Yesterday evening Mom had a second blood analysis with one of the directors here and frankly they were shocked with the change in Mom in just over one week. They said she has great blood and that the good guys (white blood cells) are on the upswing. Please continue to pray for Mom to be completely cured.  Thank you!

Much Love,

Michelle 

I see a turtle

I'm sure most of us have been to an arcade or amusement park and seen the game where a little animal pops its head up and then you have the pleasure of wacking it with a club like apparatus and then the head pops up elsewhere and you get a minute's worth of.. whap, whap, whap!  That's what life with Mom has been like for the past week and a half.  One problem will rear its ugly head and we happily whap it and then the next problem pops up and WHAP! I'll spare you the gory details but suffice it to say that after much wacking and whaping that Mom's body is starting to function normally.  When we first arrived Mom was slouched over in a wheelchair looking quite pathetic and white as a ghost.  She was extremely hyper sensitive touch, sound and smell. When touched she jumped in extreme pain from even a small hug.  She would smell every  smell that the natural nose could not smell and it would make her nauseous.  The  sound of the shower dripping sounded like a freight train to her. Ever so gradually Mom is gaining her strength back and this hyper sensitivity is lessening.  Tuesday night Mom was convinced to go the warm mineral pool, which is very relaxing.  She loved it!  After months of strained movement and pain she was able to move her body nearly effortlessly.  It was a starry night with a cloud passing by here or there.  Mom and I floated on our backs looking at the sky and she said "Look at that cloud Chelle, I see a turtle".  Sure enough it did look like a turtle.  The moment reminded me of childhood in Weedsport, NY with Mom, my brother and sister laying in the backyard looking at the sky.  Our childhoods were a magical time of Mom racing around the house with us, taking us birdwatching, bike riding and going to Owasco lake.  This moment was just as pure and wonderful.  Mom was pain free and feeling better.  What a blessing.  Keep praying!

Sock Monster

Everyone has had a least one run in with the sock monster.  He's that elusive fellow who's particular items of interest are socks and the stealing of them, one at a time from the dryer.  The sock monster occasionally ventures out of the laundry room to steal pens and rearrange the ketchup in the fridge so that you can't find it.  Yesterday the sock monster stole mom's pain pill prescription.  Sunday night I looked into the pain pill medicine bottle to see five little pills there. I knew that we could not refill the prescription until until after June 1 so I figured I'd have my aunts take me to the drug store first thing in the AM to refill mom's meds.  That's when the sock monster struck!  The play by play of what happened next reads like a Dr. Seuss book.  "We looked high, we looked low. Where oh where did the pain prescription go?".  It truly was nowhere to be found.  Mom's meds were beginning to wear off and that's a sight nobody should see.  Experiencing it is unthinkable.  For six hours we looked for the prescription while Kerry and "The Winkles" (aka Hannah and Luke) darted around Hampton Roads from the Oncologist to the drugstore and back again several times.  Door after door was closed as FL state law prohibits filling a prescription for a narcotic via fax.  The only doctors that participate in Mike's insurance here were very kind to give us their first available appointment of Tuesday at 4:30pm, even after I turned on the Conroy charm and explained the urgency of the situation (yes, the words flowed eloquently off of my tongue as if I had just kissed the Blarney stone).  While I was on the telephone working my Irish shenanigans and getting absolutely no where, a nurse that works at Hippocrates walked by and heard me and asked what was wrong.  I asked if the Dr. Joseph who works at the facility could write prescriptions and mentioned that if we could not get a script in the next few minutes we would be leaving to take Mom to the emergency room. She said he did not write prescriptions due to the huge liability factors, etc.  She then disappeared for about 10 minutes and returned to let us know that Dr. Joseph had agreed to write the prescription for Mom.   (que angels singing). 

Meanwhile in Virginia Kerry was getting frantic and starting to lose control when The Winkles reminded her from the backseat that "God is in control" and then a big truck rolled by with the huge words printed on it "JESUS NEVER FAILS!".  Not long after I called to let Kerry know that we were on our way to the drug store.  Whew... collective sighs of relief.  

I was reminded of a song that God has brought into our lives over the past few weeks called "Saves the Day" by Philip, Craig & Dean.  In this case God defeated the Sock Monster and once again saved the day.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Saturday Morning

It's 10:0o am Saturday morning and I'm sitting on the lanai with Mom while we eat breakfast.  Yes, you heard me, EAT.  Mom started back on solid foods yesterday.  She had Manna bread (not really bread, its made of nuts), a bit a steamed vegetables, and this morning some cereal (I have no idea what it is but she's eating it and I'm not asking questions :>) ).  Mom has also been able to drink and keep down some almond juice.  This is really important as it has a much higher calorie content than anything else she has ingested and she certainly doesn't need to lose any more than the 30 bs she lost prior to our arrival. 

Last night was a fairly good night.  Mom has not been nearly as nauseous for the past several days and did not get sick to her stomach once yesterday (Yipee!).  

In a few hours two of Mom's sisters, Sue aka "The Queen" and Mo aka "The family tree" are coming to visit for the weekend.  Mom is really looking forward to their visit.  For those of you that don't know Mom is one of eight children and she doesn't get to see her siblings nearly as often as she likes, so this should be great!   The aunties visit should also allow me to attend some seminars and listen to lectures.  This is paramount, as I need to know how to do all of this for Mom when we get back to Virginia. 

These words are from Mom. I would like everyone to know that I am very thankful to everyone .  I didn't know when I arrived what exactly it would be like and I am thankful for those who prayed to sustain me in the decision to be here.  I believe this decision is God's will and direction.  Although I have made some mistakes like taking on too many therapies in one day and cutting back on pain meds too quickly, God has shielded me even from those mistakes to a certain degree.  I am thankful for much less vomiting and that pain that causes vomiting has lessened.  I am thankful for being able to do more for myself and that when unable Michelle has been wonderful in anticipating needs, gently tending me, and arranging all of my schedules.  I'm thankful for this place that offers so many avenues to healing.  I'm thankful for all the staff from the directors, therapy staff, immensely capable kitchen staff, and kind housekeeping staff, and friendly supportive guests.   I am encouraged daily by all of these people of my ability to heal, on God's timetable.  God has preformed a miracle in that I am starting to be able to eat solid foods.  Please pray that this continues. Also, please pray that the pain in my ribs and leg lessens so that I can sleep through the night without waking up every three hours to take pain meds. 

On a side note of Michelle.  I'm adjusting to all of these veggies, but this is certainly not easy!  I thought they were crazy the first day when they told me that my tastes would change, but they have.  I can now drink the nutritious green green with only minimal nose wrinkling and I've already lost about 7-8 pounds (Yippee!).  There have been some funny moments, sobering moments, spiritually enlightening moments, and really special mother daughters moments (usually at about 4 am... why does it always work that way? :>) ) that I would not trade for the world.  Once again thank you for your kind words, prayers and encouragement.  Neither of us could do this with out the support we are receiving from our family and our friends.  

Much love,

Michelle and 

Nancy aka "The Nons"

What is this place?

Some of you may be asking what is this place, Hippocrates Health Institute?  For the best answer you may want to check out hippocratesinst.com or  crazysexycancer.com (tells the story of a girl that came here and was cured of cancer... you may have seen her on Oprah)  and view the movie trailer on that page which is about 7 minutes long (parental advisory-language).  Of course Mom & I aren't doing the yoga... yet :>)  About 75% of the people here have metastatic cancers and many of them are healed or on the path to healing... no jokes.. I've met them and have had conversations with them. 

Much love, 

Michelle 

Hippocrates Update

Hello there everyone!  First of all Mom and I (Michelle Margaret-the middle one) would like to thank everyone very much for your love, concern, and prayers.  We started our trip on Sunday morning (5/25) and we're grateful that God provided us with smooth skies and friendly airline staff to get us safely to Hippocrates Health Institute in West Palm Beach, FL.   

Sunday was a very challenging day for Mom and frankly the first night was terrible.  Mom had edema in her right leg prior to the trip but by the evening of the 25th the edema was so bad that she could barely walk.  After settling into for the night she fought a losing battle to nausea and pain all night.  

Monday began with both of us feeling exhausted instead of ready for treatments and classes.  The schedule is busy here, and there is a constant decision between resting, attending lectures or taking Mom to treatments.  I opted to take Mom to her treatments, hoping to get her some relief from her pain.  The first treatment we went to was Oxygen therapy involving infrared technology.  It looked like something out of the movie 2010! At that point I was wondering what we had gotten ourselves into and wondered if we had just spent multiple thousands of dollars on quackery.  After that treatment we went to a "H-Wave" treatment.  They hooked Mom up to special electrode devices which made her legs  jump around on their own.  I'm sure she has not danced like that since her hippie days back in the 60's! :>)  Later that same evening Mom got her first vitamin implants and we both went to bed thinking we would sleep like babies due to our exhaustion.  Boy were we wrong!  I can honestly say that it was the single most miserable night of my life, and I can't imagine a worse night it Mom's life either.  She was in so much pain (right leg and lower left ribs) and so sick to her stomach that there was no way to console her.  When she did lay down to sleep her breathing would get more shallow and out of fear that she would not be able to get another breath she would jerk awake causing major rib pain which led to her being sick to her stomach again.  

When Tuesday morning came, I was a frazzled mess.  I went to a therapy session of my own first thing in the morning as Mom had  finally fallen asleep.  As I walked through the doors the cheery staff asked how Mom was and I burst into tears.  I really felt like I needed to get Mom back to VA before she did not have any strength to do it on her own.  The staff was very encouraging and several of them told me their personal stories of coming to Hippocrates with Stage 4 cancer like Mom's and today they are living proof of the healing and miracles that God preforms every single day.  One lady that has been particularly sweet has been cured from Hodgkins  Lymphoma and another from cancer like mom's!  Still, I left the therapy center and called Kerry while quite an emotional wreck.  I felt sure we needed to pack our bags and head back to the comfort of our family.  I scared Kerry and Mike half to death and headed back to my room after talking to them and not knowing what to do.  I was shocked to enter our cottage to see Mom out of bed, rosy cheeked and asking to get into the shower.  I looked at her feet and people can doubt all they want, but Mom's edema in her leg and ankle were completely gone! It's the first sighting of her ankle bones since the Reagan administration! I asked Mom if she wanted to stay and she seemed shocked that I would even ask the question.  She noted improvements like being able to move better and some pain and edema being gone.  We decided to stay but I knew that we needed some help to get Mom through the nights so we decided to have a portable oxygen machine delivered to the room for Mom to use during the nights.  Last night was the first night of using the oxygen and it certainly did the trick!  She slept approximately 6-8 hours (interrupted only by having to get up to take pain meds).  Mom has much less nausea and has only thrown up twice in two days.  This is a HUGE improvement as she has been sick to her stomach constantly for about two months now.  Some other improvements are a reduction of pain, getting around on her own, and generally being much stronger.  Today, Friday Mom ate the first significant amount of solid food she has had in nearly 2 months and kept it down. This is a tremendous answer to prayer!  

We are so thankful for those of you that are so supportive and are praying for Mom.  Here are some specific prayer requests:

1) Removal of all nausea... period.  

2) Desire and ability to eat and keep solid foods in her system.  Mom has been living on green drinks.  The green drinks are nutritious, but man cannot live on green drinks alone :>).   If there is to be any significant turn around or slow down of the cancer she has to be eating solid foods.  When food is mentioned Mom grimaces and acts like she may be getting sick to her stomach.  Please pray that a) Mom is able to change her thinking about solid food b) Mom would not be so sensitive to the smells of food.

3) Pain management.  While she has come a long way since the day of arrival there is still a way to go.  Specifically pray for removal of pain from Mom's right leg and lower left ribs.  

4) A miracle cure from God.  I put this last on the list not because it's my last thought, but rather the first.  I have questioned myself repeatedly over the question. Can God cure Mom? Am I fooling myself?  Is this all nonsense and should Mom be back in VA near her family? The answers that come to me with no doubt in my mind are YES, God can cure Mom.  YES, God can slow her cancer down. YES, God can take Mom's pain away. YES, God can totally alleviate Mom's nausea. YES, we are in the right place, a place where God purposely directed us. Please pray resolutely in this same regard.

Mom has been greatly encouraged by some of the notes of encouragement and encouraging Christian music which have been sent her. She is in good spirits and believes that God has brought her here to Hippocrates for Healing and has much hope for complete healing.  If you'd like to send Mom a note here at the institute the address is:

Hippocrates Health Institute

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I have been receiving many phone calls and text messages which I appreciate greatly.  I'm sorry that I've been unable to respond. However, I've been a bit busy! And I also dropped my phone in a glass of water today... (don't ask):>) I will have to catch up with everyone after June 14th.  I plan to update this BLOG everyday with news on how Mom is doing and if possible some pictures.  

Once again, Mom and I both thank you for your continued prayers.

Much love,

Michelle